Review: Star Wars: The Clone Wars (2008)

RATING (0 TO ****):  **

Can you say "cheesy?"  STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS, which will remind you of
typical Saturday morning cartoon fare, is coming to a theater near you,
wanting full price for its tickets.  As a free, television cartoon, it might
be okay.  But as a full-length motion picture, it sure leaves a lot to be
desired, including a decent script and animated humans that don't appear
ridiculous.

But, for dyed-in-the-wool STAR WARS fans, I suspect any movie with STAR WARS
in the title, even an animated one, will immediately go to the top of their
must-see list.  I know it did for my college-age son.  He was not
disappointed, although I sure was.  Don't get me wrong.  The movies in the
original STAR WARS trilogy are among my favorite films ever, but I am not an
uncritical observer of the franchise.  I found the last two STAR WARS films,
including this one, to be needlessly disappointing.

In talking with people after seeing STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS, there was no
agreement on whether it was good or not, but there was almost universal
agreement that the beginning was awful.  The film starts with a
mile-a-minute narration of a thousand facts you need to know to understand
the story you're about to be told.  But, while the narrator is babbling on,
the initial visuals are so jarring that your eyes are too busy trying to
take it all in, and your brain is having trouble parsing all of the speech.

One visual alone summarizes the problem with the picture.  Obi-Wan Kenobi is
given one of the worst beards in cinematic history.  His hair is also
laughably bad.  Moreover, all of the humans look downright stupid, so when
they first come on screen, you don't know whether to immediately begin
hooting or not.  You may be thinking at this point that the whole movie is
to be taken as a spoof of the STAR WARS franchise.  But you soon realize
that, although there is lot more comedy this time, the movie isn't a spoof.

When the people are AWOL and all of the action is done by non-human CGI
figures, the movie sort of works.  As we watch space craft and non-human CGI
figures blowing things up, the movie is modestly satisfying.  But, whenever
one of the humans speaks, their funny faces and the clunky and clichéd
dialog will likely having you groaning more often than laughing.

Although there are a few exceptions, most of the actors providing the voice
talent for this film are ones whom you've never heard of before.  James
Arnold Taylor, for example, has the key part of the voice for Obi-Wan
Kenobi.  Suffice it to say, charitably, that his voice is not memorable.
Better is Ashley Eckstein, who does the voice work for a new character named
Ahsoka Tano.  Ahsoka is a Jedi in training.  As a classic comical sidekick,
Ahsoka is attached to Anakin.  She saves his life often, which he both
resents and appreciates in roughly equal measures, even though he grumbles a
lot about her.  Meanwhile, she annoys him constantly by calling him, "Sky
Guy."

The plot has to do with Anakin and Ahsoka trying to rescue Jabba the Hutt's
kidnapped kid.  The smelly little tike is aptly nicknamed Stinky.  He was my
favorite part of the picture.

"Greater than we think, this mystery may be." Yoda tells us.  I'd reword
that to something like, "Less successful than George Lucas wanted, this
movie may be."

STAR WARS: THE CLONE WARS runs 1:38.  It is rated PG for "sci-fi action
violence throughout, brief language and momentary smoking" and would be
acceptable for all ages.

My son Jeffrey, age 19, thought it was a great movie and gave it *** 1/2.
He said that, "once he got over that it's cuter and funnier than the other
STAR WARS movies," he really loved it.  Although he complained that the
first twenty minutes of the movie didn't work, he loved everything else
about it, including the new character Ahsoka.  Jeffrey's girlfriend Yasmin,
also 19, but not a STAR WARS fan, hated the movie, giving it just * 1/2.
Although it basically put her to sleep, what she did see, she didn't like at
all.  Overall, she said that she just didn't get it.

The film opens nationwide in the United States on Friday, August 15, 2008.
In the Silicon Valley, it will be showing at the AMC theaters, the Century
theaters and the Camera Cinemas.

Web: http://www.InternetReviews.com
Email: Steve.Rho...@InternetReviews.com

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